Very Clever

Slide viewing cures insomnia.

Edward Steichen owned a 3-legged dog called tripod.

The Post Office folds all parcels containing photographs.

Ansel Adams had three secret zones only known to him.

Safelights aren't.

Short exposures may cause reciprocity success.

Mounting a photograph is a misdemeanour.

Dense negatives sink.

Dust spots are attracted to sky areas.

No two light meters agree.

Camera straps never break on soft surfaces.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don’t have film. 

WHY, WHY, WHY?

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it!)

If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that's more like it!)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.

  A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. (In my next life I want to be a pig!)  

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Still not over that pig thing!)  

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (Is that why Flipper was always smiling?  And, why isn't the pig included in this list?)  

On average people fear spiders more than they do death.

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.   (Hmmmmm.....)  

A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.  

The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.   From drinking little bottles of...? (Did the government pay for this research??)  

Polar bears are left handed. (Who knew....?,Who cares!)

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.  

A cockroach will live nine days without it's head, before it starves to death.  

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body.  The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. ('Honey, I'm home.   What the....')

Lions are said to mate over 50 times a day.  (In my next life I still want to be a pig...quality over quantity!)  

Butterflies taste with their feet. (Oh, jeez!)  

Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.  

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.)  

Starfish don't have brains.  (I know some people like that too!) 

Remember, when someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and smack the asshole on the head.

Loving Husband

After 20 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband begin to fondle her in ways he hadn't in quite some time.
It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back.
He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down over her breasts, stopping just over her lower stomach.
He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, caressed past the side of her breast again, working down her side, passed gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then, he proceeded up her inner thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and started to watch the TV.
As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, 'That was wonderful. Why did you stop?'
He said, 'I found the remote'.

Another Loving Husband

A husband walks into Victoria's Secret to purchase some see-through
lingerie for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from
R500 to R2000 in price, the more see-through, the higher the price. He
opts for the sheerest item, pays the R2000 and takes the lingerie home.

He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on and
model it for him.
Upstairs, the wife thinks, "I have an idea. It's so see-through that it
might as well be nothing. I'll not put it on, do the parading naked and
return it tomorrow and get a R2000 refund for myself.

So she appears naked at the top of the stairs and strikes a pose. The
husband says, "Good Grief! You'd think for R2000, they'd at least iron
it!"

His funeral is this Saturday.

Did you ever stop and wonder?

Who the first person was to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these pink dingly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there...I'm going to eat the next thing that comes out of it's a * s."

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their butt when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does your Gynae leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look RIGHT up there anyway?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Stop singing and read on .....

Who the first person was to decide to pick a brussel sprout (which looks odd), boil it (which smells even worse than it looks) and then (the best of all) to put it in his mouth and eat the stinky thing?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets pissed off with you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?